super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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