I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Why are your pants in the freezer?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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