Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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