You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
