Quick, to the slutcave!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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