currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
