I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
