In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
