I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
