btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
