Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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