I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
