I accidentally had phone sex last night
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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