Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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