you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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