My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I puked a lego.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
