whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
