wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
