There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
