I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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