I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
