If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
