once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
