Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
