I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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