His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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