i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
