oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
