Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
