You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
