i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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