I hope mine doesn't look like that
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
