the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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