Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
