I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
