Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize