ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
