you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
