this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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