I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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