Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Even my vagina gasped.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
