You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
