so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
