I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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