Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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