I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
