We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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