We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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