I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
