i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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