Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
