do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
