Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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