the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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