Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
