two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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