I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
