Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
