somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
