I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
