Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
