fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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