I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
