i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
