Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
