I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Semen is not good for contacts.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
