I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
